Versace Baby

Lilo, Nigel and Shakira, oh my! Last night's Versace event at the Whitney museum was the place to be, and I was thrilled to be able to experience it first hand. And now you can experience it second hand through shitty iphone photos! Hold on to your hats folks.

All the celebs were dressed to impress, and luckily for me, sequins were in. At least according to Shakira and Amanda Hearst.

We invited Tom and Lorenzo of Project Rungay to cover the party, and they were such sweet guys! Of course, they totally approved of my dress.We quietly gawked on the sidelines as Lindsay Lohan and Donatella expressed their undying affection for each other. We also had moment to chat about our favorite Project Runway contestants and they agreed with me that Irina is one of the best of the bunch.

The highlight of my evening was catching a glimpse of my childhood hero, Candice Bergen. I wanted to grab her hand and tell her that Murphy Brown helped shape me into the independent woman I am today. And I considered telling her that I read her autobiography as if it was the bible in elementary school, and that I had an entire scrapbook dedicated to magazine clippings of her. But alas, she was whisked away in a matter of seconds.

Another notable celeb was the noted fashion photographer himself, Nigel Barker. Of course he was smiling with his eyes. Would you expect anything less?

And last but not least, the delightful Ally Hilfiger graced us with her presence. She wore pigtails and looked just as crazytown as she did on Rich Girls. I kept expecting her to have another meltdown and complain about how she misses her childhood...



But she managed to keep it together. All in all, my work pals and I had a fabulous night.

Oh and BTW, Mischa Barton didn't look like a bag lady, but she did get a little touchy feely with herself.
pppppsssssssssss. I'm totally FAMOUS!

Auntie Mame

Back by popular demand... the one and only Floating Robot Blog!

Yesterday, I got a new roommate. Her name is Auntie Mame. She's a dress. Say hello!

Auntie Mame came just in time (with the help of Galen's mom Alison - thank you!) for the fanciest occasion I will probably ever attend. Tomorrow night, Versace (my client) is throwing a gala and studio party at the Whitney and I get to go. I'll be chilling on the red carpet, mingling with celebs and sipping martinis. Ok, not really - I'll be live tweeting and assisting with a live stream of the red carpet that you can watch live on the "Red Carpet" tab of Versace's Facebook page. Good times.

The bottom line is, you can't show up to a Versace event looking like a schlub, and most of my clothes are pretty schlubby. All of them except for Auntie Mame that is.

I was shopping with Alison yesterday when I saw her. She was glistened in the neon department store light as she hung on the wall, high above the other dresses. She looks a little ridiculous and over-the-top in an old lady-ish sort of way on the hanger, which is why Alison named her Auntie Mame.



But of course we all know that I'm an old lady at heart, and so it was love at first sight. I knew once I tried her on, she wouldn't look frumpy. (She's French Connection after all.) It's a match made in heaven! Weeee! Here's a blurry iphone preview:

I'm totally not gonna look like a clown on the red carpet. I'll probably look even better than Mischa Barton, assuming she continues to dress like a bag lady.

Rescue Dogs and Rad Clothes: 2 Blogs of Note

Everyone has a dang blog these days, but which ones are worth your time? I'll tell you which ones dodo head! The ones with cute puppies and neat clothes. Here are two brand new blogs by two old friends that you should read.

No Lost Witches
My pal Christina is a pretty swell gal, and one of the most fashionable people I know. It totally makes sense that she started making clothes and bags so us normal folks can enjoy some of her exceptional styling. Look at these goodies:I told you she was good. Read her blog to see more awesome shit she makes and read about all the cool bands she likes that you've never heard of. You will feel enriched afterwords, I promise.

Foster Dogs in NYC
Sarah Oren is a lovely lady and a helper of people and animals. She is also my friend. We create a nice balance because I am a nasty lady who hates babies and old people. It's a good thing Miss Oren is around to spread her sparkly cheer and save the world. She just started a blog to help foster dogs in NYC find good homes. She volunteers at Animal Care & Control, and writes all about the cute pups she's helping. Just look at these Doogie Howsers:
If you want to something good but the majority of the human population disgusts you, please adopt a dog. Sarah Oren will help you.

Update your RSS feeds yo.

Versace Material

A couple weeks ago, my company had a very important meeting with Versace. We were meeting with them about creating their Facebook, Twitter and blog accounts and I was invited to go to their office to discuss specifics. While I've always been into fashion, I've always sort of marched to the beat of my own drum. I was very intimidated by the idea of dressing up for a Versace business meeting. What does one wear to a semi-formal meeting at a high end fashion company?

I didn't want to wear slacks and a button down shirt because I would've looked like a tool. I have some cute dresses but they're more suited for a summer music festival than a professional meeting. I decided to enlist the help of my favorite local store: Dalaga. The ladies there are super nice, and I knew they'd help me find something that I wouldn't embarrass myself in.

They came through and helped me selected an awesome dress from Ark & Co. After getting the dress I went to my favorite thrift store, Beacon's Closet, and found an awesome Diane von Furstenberg blazer. I went in to my meeting looking pretty ok.
Of course, my foot is still fucked up so I had to wear flat shoes so as not to further damage my fractured bone. The outfit would have been so much better with cute shoes but alas, it just wasn't an option. After the work day, I strutted around town in my exciting new outfit. Some kid in his late teens or early 20's started cat-calling me as I walked down the street. "Hey baby you look hot! Want to go out with me tonight?" he hollered. I just scowled at him, thinking he was lucky that I didn't snap his scrawny little neck on the spot. As I gimped away he yelled, "I like your outfit but your shoes are fucking ugly!"

Thanks kid, that's just what I needed. Ah well, at least we won the Versace account.

My Lymbyc Systym is working again

I mentioned before that I've been feeling really overwhelmed with life in general. Yesterday I decided it was time to get over it and I've officially transitioned from World of the Frazzled to World of the Living. Do you ever have those time periods where everything seems unmanageable? I recently got a subscription to the New York times, and I've found that even the task of reading the newspaper makes me a little anxious. So much news to consume, so little time. Anyway, hi.

For my triumphant return to the real world, I planned to see Built to Spill. They were playing for free in Coney Island yesterday at the Siren Festival. I was super excited because I have been obsessed with BTS since high school, when I first got my hands on Ultimate Alternative Wavers. For some reason, I thought I especially identified with the song "Nowhere Nothin' Fuckup" when I was 14. Yeah, I was pretty cool. Then during the summer of 2000, I spent most of my time locked in my room, playing Sim City and listening to Keep It Like A Secret. Every time I hear the familiar hum of "The Plan" I'm hearkened back to building light residential zones in my computer chair. It had been a long time coming and I was stoked to get to see a band that I have been in love with for 50% of my life. I was packing up to head to the subway, hoping everything would be perfect from now on.

Then Pancake started barfing so I had to take her to the vet, and I missed the show. Oopsiedaisy.

But all hope was not lost. My pals Mike and Jared Bell were in town, and their band Lymbyc Systym was playing at Union Hall. Dudes, if you have not heard Lymbyc Systym yet, stop being such a dumb dumb. You should really see them live because they put on a great show. They're on tour right now, but if you can't make it out, then listen to these tracks.

The mix of soothing keyboard melodies and kick-ass drumming punctuated with bells and xylophones is pretty rad. I was so impressed by their music last night, and I think Mike might be the best drummer in the whole world. I went to school with these guys since elementary school and their dad was my rabbi. Now they're all grown up. I'll always remember them when they looked like this:

Rose Nyland Must Wait

I was faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life last week. I was forced to choose between getting this...

or this:(Rose Nyland necklace by AnomolyJewelry - $140)

Sadly, I had to go with the iPhone. The buttons were literally falling off of my other phone, and I concluded it was more important to get in touch with people than to be ultra-stylish. Although I sort of regret this decision, I'll admit I'm getting into this whole app thing. Totes digging Shake It Photo and Buamai so far.

Some day, the Rose Nyland necklace will be mine. Oh yes, and I fully intend to purchase necklaces of the rest of the girls too. There's even one of Stan!
People often ask me why I connect with Rose Nyland more than any other gg... the answer is pretty simple. I'm dim-witted, lovable, and love to tell stories about St. Olaf. Plus, Betty White is the shit. Did you see her playing beer pong with Jimmy Fallon? I didn't realize it was possible for her coolness factor to increase any more, but it just broke the charts.



Side note - the Jimmy Fallon Show is turning out to be pretty great! I was not fond of him on SNL, and when he started making movies with Queen Latifah, I discredited him as a human being altogether. But! Having Zach Morris and Betty White on your show in the same week? He's a man after my own heart.

The Poor Man's Top Chef

Since Bravo no longer has Project Runway, the best reality show EVAH, it needs to make up for lost awesomeness by pimping out the shows they do have. I can understand that they'd want to get more leverage out of Top Chef, arguably their only classy show left. (Ok, those New Jersey housewives are pretty classy too.) I was sort of interested in checking out Top Chef Masters... I hadn't seen or heard too much buzz surrounding the show and all I knew was that some famous chefs were going to compete Top Chef Style.

My oh my, what a let down. The regulars were nowhere to be found... they got some hoebag to fill in for Padma, and Tom and Gail were only shown in brief video snippets describing the competing chefs. And speaking of chefs, we only got four of them. They don't even live in a fancy house together and try to make out - they just show up, cook and go away. The biggest thrill we got was when a chef stepped into the shower with a bowl of macaroni... sexy time!

This resulted in a tedious hour of programing consisting of predictable cooking disasters (someone left their food in the freezer rather than the fridge! gasp!) played out by ridiculous stereotypes. Last night, the chefs featured included a juggling Texan,

an ugly red-faced Jewish guy, a pompous dude with yellow teeth and a French fellow with flowing gray hair. Hubert Keller (the French fellow) won the competition and must now go on to face several other celebrity chef assholes to ultimately win the title of Top Chef Master, and a few bucks for charity.

I was glad Hubert won though mostly because he DJs in his spare time. Raise the roof DJ HubE.

But hey... did anyone else notice something ridiculous about the "Champions Round"
scoreboard at the end of the show? Hubert made it to the finals so an image of his face went into a slot on the board. All of the other slots awaiting chefs have the same body outline as flowy-haired Hube!
Someone in Magic Elves' post production department is either a hilarious person or a complete jackass.

Also?
This lady is an amazing specimen. Gael Greene wins a prize for being the best judge in Top Chef history, as well as for having a ridiculous amount of e's in her name. BRAVO Gael! CAN WE GO HAT SHOPPING SOON? Galen and I suspect she's a washed up Broadway star from the 20's. She probably slept with George Gershwin, scored an understudy role in Funny Face, and then went on to be a homeless lady/food critic. Obviously I'm in love.

There is one thing about Gael that's slightly troubling... check this excerpt from her bio on Bravo's website:

"As New York Magazine's famed restaurant critic for over 30 years and the Insatiable Critic Columnist, Gael Greene has gone to great lengths to conceal her identity so that no restaurateurs can identify her."

Hmmm. Cause if I saw this:
I wouldn't find her to be recognizable at all. Gold medal for inconspicuousness.

I might watch this show again, but if I do, it will only be to see what sorts of head pieces Gael busts out in weeks to come.

CraftWerks

Did you make it out the the Renegade Craft Fair last weekend? I arrived in style with my boot and a wad of $20s in my wallet, ready to buy out the entire fair. When I showed up at the entrance to McCarren park, I was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of booths spread across two fields. I had a moment of malfunction. Entering one's favorite park when it has become riddled with delectable crafts can be a tricky situation... you want to conquer each booth the way Short Circuit's Johnny 5 reads books...

But the boot slowed me down a bit so I had to be selective about the booths I visited. My friend KC helped me divide and conquer, although we frequently got sidetracked by cuddling with stuffed animals.
One thing we noticed was the over-abundance of mustaches this year. As KC pointed out, mustaches are the new owl.My most prized purchase of the afternoon was my ring (which I had previously owned and broken) from Erica Weiner. Her booth was, hands down, the best one at the fair. Her jewelry is pretty much the best so if you haven't checked it out yet, do eeet!

Other exciting purchased I made include a notebook with a picture of a bread loaf on it and a print of a unicorn/narwhal venn diagram by Argyle Whale. You can see it in the middle below, pictured along with two of my other favorite prints. (The print on the left is my most recent Etsy purchase. Damn you Brandi Strickland! Your art is TOO COOL. The print on the right is by Berkley Illustration - a purchase from last year's Renegade Craft Fair)All in all it was a good afternoon, and once again my pocket book is a little lighter.

Friends Forever

I was so beyond thrilled when Mark-Paul Gosselaar showed up on Jimmy Fallon last night as Zach Morris. How awesome was it that they busted out ye old Zach Morris cell phone? They even slapped a lot of makeup on him so it seemed just like the good old days...
You probably know about my deep rooted obsession with Saved By The Bell and my recent correspondence with Mr. Belding, so surely you understand how much a SBTB reunion would mean to me. I hope they can get Lark and Dustin to reenact The Sprain. Unfortunately it seems that Tiffani Amber Thiessen is too cool for school at the moment cause uh.. she's got a lot going on these days. Hopefully Jessie will give her some pills and she'll be so excited (and so... SCARED!) to go on the show. Even if it doesn't work out, I can continue to watch this brilliant video of Zach Morris' live version of Friends Forever (Craig used this song as a hidden track on a mix tape he made me in high school. Aww.)

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood of New Jersey

I'm watching the new episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey right now, and Galen just made a very astute observation. Caroline Manzo, the oldest/wisest housewife, looks like a plus sized version of Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers. Twins!She's as thick as thieves and thicker than puppets.

Dear Golden Girls

My mom was digging through some old stuff the other day and came across an old letter I wrote to the Golden Girls (one of several.) She was kind enough to scan it for me so I could share it with the world. For some reason, I was very enthusiastic about showing the girls members of my family and my backyard.

It's a little hard to read so I've transcribed it for you...

Dear Golden Girls,

I'm sending pictures of my family! I hope you are doing good. I'm 8 years old. Your show is my favorite show on TV. I'm telling you all the people in my famaly. [sic] This is my dad, this is my brother and my mom, this is my mom. This is me! This is my back yard.

ps. I have written to you [before.]
ps2. My name is Lesley. Please write back soon.

Obviously, I was pretty advanced back in 1989.

Out of Order

I feel like such a terrible blog mother. I have ignored this poor blog for the past few weeks because my mind has been jumbled with all sorts of silly things. There's a lot I need to tell you about... like my hilarious insider knowledge of the Housewives of NJ or my new job, or the fact that my brother drew a Reebok pump sign on the pump of the boot that adorns my fractured foot, and the fact that Pancake likes to pump it up...

But right now my brain is broken and so is the delete button on my keyboard, so I will have to keep you waiting on the edge of your seats. I'll BRB, I pinkie swear. In the meantime, I will leave you with a few pictures of things I desperately want to buy. Conveniently they are all in the $80 range. Eeeek.
Summer Campbell Frock by Rennes le Chateau

APC Madras Check Top
Grey Leather Sandals by Matiko (gonna have to wait for these until my foot stops being lame.)

Also on the list of things I desperately need: some type of insane dress to wear to this year's Belmont Stakes. My search for "insane dress" on Etsy yielded zero results, so I'm pretty much at a loss. A penny for your thoughts?

Get Your Stuff Featured

Ummmmm hi. You may have noticed I've been MIA forevah. Sorry peeps, things have been crazy. My brother is in town visiting and we've been partying all over NYC. Pictures to come.
But here's the real reason I've been MIA... I got a new jaerb. I'm working at a place called enter:new media and it's pretty swell.

One of the main accounts I'm working on is called YMI Jeans. I just started a blog for them and I'm trying to incorperate some cool features that will give some love up-and-coming Etsy designers I'm so obsessed with.

Basically, I'm putting together outfits combining YMI's jeans with items made by...YOU! If you make cool clothes, jewelry or purses, email blog@ymijeans.com with a link to your store or blog and your stuff could be featured. Get crackin'!

Say Hi To Your Mother For Me

Happy Mothers Day to everyone who birthed a baby. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about my own mom and how utterly cool she is. (This is from my birthday last year- she still looks cool and my bangs look less gross)

Before we delve into my mom's awesomeness, let me tell you a little story about how I came to be. My mom was pregnant with me for only 7 months when she was shopping at the mall one day when she noticed her jeans were wet. She thought she had peed her pants so she freaked out and went to the bathroom. I guess at some point she realized "Ooopsies! I'm having a baby!" Fast forward through some unpleasant surgery and suddenly, I am born! 4 pounds of purple, half breathing flesh. Here is a direct quote from the finest book my mother ever wrote - my baby book:

"My first thought upon seeing you was 'the poor girl is going to need braces to correct that terrible overbite.' You weren't too pretty to me then."

Touching words that can only be expressed by a loving mother. I give her so much shit for writing this and for some reason, she is still good humored about it so I'll have to give her credit for that. In fact, my mom has an excellent sense of humor and has always been the first to find cool new authors and shows. She introduced me to Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Comeback and urged me to watch them despite early criticism. And she was the first person to introduce me to David Sedaris waaaay back in the day. She clearly knew what she was talking about!

Here's another reason why my mom is so rad. She started a blog years before I did! It's pretty good and you should check it out. She is also a great photographer. I guess she took a lot of Diane Arbus style photos of New York in the late 60's but I have never seen them. Maybe someday she will dig them up and I'll share some of them here. In the meantime, you can check out her flickr account where there are lots of fun pictures including this one of a doll head in the street.

Some other reasons why my mom is cool:

• When I was in high school, she claimed to like Nine Inch Nails.
• She owns a toy robot collection
• She plays guitar
• She has a doctorate degree... that's Doctor Robin to you!
• She taught theater at one of the first integrated high schools in Georgia and much to the dismay of other the stuffy faculty members, she put on an inspiring mixed-race play. She's totally like Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, only better.

I guess she was probably always cool. After all, she was doing stuff like this in 1962:

Happy Mothers Day!

Das BOOT

This week has been like a good old fashioned game of chutes and ladders... full of ups and downs.

Down: I fractured a bone in my foot called the sesamoid bone. Now I have to wear a stupid boot for three weeks and I look like a bozo.

Up: See that gray bubble on the boot? It's a pump, so I can pump it up, just like Rebok pumps!

Big Up: I decorated the boot to make it super fashionable.Super Up: Damien Weighill of Your Face Blog drew my face!

Butterlies and Art

This weekend Galen and I took a trip to DC to visit my mom. We went to so many cool museums, but I think my favorite was the at the Hirshhorn. If you're in the DC area, I highly recommend you take a trip. There's a giant naked dude sitting in the corner who will make your journey worth it. This awesome guy was made by Ron Mueck, an Australian-born hyper-realist sculptor. That's me sitting next to the naked guy, just feeling his pain, trying to take it all in.

There are also some really cool paintings there with pretty colors. I made Galen pose for some fashion shots.
And speaking of pretty colors, we also stopped by the Natural History Museum to go to the butterfly exhibit which was out of control. I saw mother nature in action when I witnessed a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Unfortunately, the butterfly fell to the ground before he could break his wings out of his little cocoon. He was twitching around, trying to get his shit together, but he looked like he was in pretty bad shape. Some 12-year-old girl told us that butterflies need to get their wings out of the sack before they touch the ground or they'll die. It would be a huge bummer to spend a bunch of time waiting to grow a pair of magic wings and then just as you get them, your clumsy ass falls and dies. Poor lil' butterfly. I'm sure Bea Arthur will take care of him in heaven.

It's Hammer Time

Here's a little sneak peek at what's coming to my etsy shop...

A little hammer head shark is about to be baked in the oven, but until then, U Can't Touch This:

And here's the Montauk Monster I just made for Perry. He still needs to be mounted but he's sure to be a hit. I tried to make him as realistic as possible. See?I still can't decide if the Montauk monster was real in the first place.

Swine Flu Fever

So have you noticed that 7/10 of your friends have updated their Facebook status with something clever about Swine Flu? Have you also noticed that everyone is washing their hands every 5 minutes and shivering in fear while reading accounts of what might happen if the whole entire world got infected and over-run with zombie swines?

In order to continue this delightful trend, I'm featuring a Swine Flu Special at my Etsy shop right now. Come on down and get Phoebe the Pig, on sale today for $19 (marked down from $25)Isn't she cute? If you don't like pigs, I bet you like dogs. I've been making custom animal plaques of peoples pets...

Here's Simba!And here's Diesel the bulldog!And I'm currently working on a custom Montauk Monster plaque which should be super cool. If you want me to make you a custom animal plaque of your pet, you can visit my etsy shop and send me a message.

Uh Oh

This weekend was pretty fun. It was finally hot enough outside to have a BBQ and play some Kan Jam.I enjoyed playing in the park and frolicking on rooftops with friends.
Too bad I got Swine Flu :(

Bye Bye Bea

I was deeply saddened when I stumbled home at the end of Saturday night's rooftop festivities and discovered that one of my childhood heroes had died. Bea Arthur died April 25 at the age of 86. Yesterday I received many kind emails, phone calls and text messages asking how I was handling the news. The way people have been acting, you would think Bea Arthur was my own grandmother. And in a way, she sort of was. If you read this blog with any regularity, you know about my obsession with the Golden Girls that stemmed at a very young age. Bea taught me many important life lessons - most importantly that being sharp and sassy will get you far in life, and that any problem can be solved with cheesecake.

My love for Bea Arthur is displayed in many ways, from the GG mousepad I'm using right now, to the Bea Arthur shirt I made for my friend Liz. Well... I wanted it to say "I heart Bea Arthur" but I'm mentally challenged so it came out saying "I heart BEA ARTUR" with a backwards E.
I think Bea would have approved of the shirt, mostly because it looks like it was made in St. Olaf. Speaking of St. Olaf, Betty White had this to say of her fellow Golden Girl:

"I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know it would hurt this much. I'm so happy that she received her Lifetime Achievement Award while she was still with us, so she could appreciate that,"

Man I'm depressed. I'll be sitting Shiva this week and singing the Golden Girls theme song. Thank you for being a friend Bea, you'll be missed! And so I'll leave you with one of my favorite Dorothy Zbornack quotes...
“I could have been living in a swinging singles condo instead of with… oh I better not say anything before I’ve had my morning cup of coffee… a slut and a moron. Sorry, I guess it's decaf.”
-Dorothy Zbornak